an unfortunate coincidence...or is it?
so i'm watching TV like i do, and on comes this scary movie advertisement and all i pay attention to is the fact that julia stiles is in a scary movie. i'm half-heartedly reading the flashing text, and only at the end of the movie trailer do i realise that they're releasing the scary movie on my birthday. and the release date is supposed to be significant because it's a scary movie called 'the omen'. why, you wonder? cuz this year my birthday happens to stand as follows: 6/6/06....6th day of the 6th month of the 6th year (of the millenium i guess), which is what the flashing text was saying, i.e. 666, i.e. the mark of the beast. crazy, eh?
interestingly, the number 666 has some very cool mathematical properties....
no love lost
i hate and have always hated writing, looking at, or doing anything with the chapter-4 (methods) of my thesis. and unless i can get over this f-ing pain of a chapter, i can't get to the other, more exciting results and conclusion (woohoo!) chapters. i hate it so much that i'd do anything not to write it...clean my desk, wash my sheets (even after laundry was done and over with on tuesday), clean the bathroom, even exercise at home! that's how badly i hate this chapter. however, i have managed, somehow, to rewrite it for the third time, with a little something more than the previous attempt. maybe a few more things to add tonight or tomorrow and then i'll send it off, as per tomorrow's deadline. i still believe it's a crappy chapter....not just to write, the result itself is crappy. i know it's not the last i'm going to be dealing with it, but it helps to be able to meet some deadlines (which i set for myself, which is the coolest part of being a grad student).
my poor baby got hit by a car yesterday (well, more like nudged, not hit, if you look on the bright side). too bad i can't be there to make it better cuz i'm stuck in guelph to finish this paper up...
i'm hungry.
a little bit of everything
back in guelph from a nice weekend at the old alma mater. e was nice enough to let me stay at her for the two nights (thank you kindly, my dear), and it was great to see everyone again, even though under the shadow of some not so good news. the fact that my extra-chatty economist taxi driver took me to the train station instead of the bus station at the end of the trip was just the icing on the cake (if i were able to get a word in edgewise, i would have pointed out to him sooner that we were supposed to be going to the bus station, when he was clearly driving in the totally wrong direction). and oh what cake consumption was done this weekend!
feeling super tired and lazy...too much to do any substantial amount of work, but i did guilt myself into doing a nominal amount of work while doing my week's laundry. the laundry's still going, but i decided tomorrow i'll be better equipped to be slightly more productive. and i reaaaaaaaaalllllllly don't want to see dr. d this week, but i have to see him at least once. ugh!
e, i returned the jacket this morning...hehe.
worries galore
so i'm reading this book called 'embracing uncertainty' by susan jeffers. only maybe 30 pages in. it's interesting. last i read how to lead a worry free life, and today i saw two thought-provoking shows on tv (one better than the other) that are only making me worry. even though i know worrying will get me nowhere at all...
first one was a documentary called "big sugar" on CBC. awesome documentary, written directed and narrated by brian mckenna. it talks about the powerful history of sugar and sugar slavery, and how sugar has it's hold on society today - in the form of obesity for those who consume it and in the form of actual slavery for those working in the lower rungs of the sugar industry - linking sugar to the slavery it brings about with it from the olden days to now as we become addicts of it. this is something that hits close to home because i have such a sweet tooth (i ate an 8x8inch brownie all by myself in the last two days...NOT proud of it). when talking about 'big sugar' (as is done in the case of the term 'big tobacco'), the documentary is essentially referring to the sugar moguls and companies such as pepsi and coca-cola who have so much influence over the world economy, etc. even though i'm not a big pop person, it's still a scary thought as to what my sugar consumption can do to me. and having found out just yesterday that my dad has started taking insulin, it just worries me more.
the second show as on abc called 'the secret life of teens'. that just scared me cuz i have a teenage sister, and she's possibly not as bratty as american teenagers, she's still at an age that is vulnerable. even in dhaka, it's outrageous what kids her age know, talk about and do. well, yeah, she's not a kid anymore, but she's still my baby sister. i still remember watching the movie thirteen and completely freaking out...i think my sister was 14 at the time or something. i hate having missed her growing years while i've been in canada...we're really close, but i'm sure i don't know everything about her.
watched the movie 'thank you for smoking' this weekend. awesome movie. i'm not a smoker, and can't see myself as one in the future, but it was a really witty movie about a lobbyist for tobacco companies. highly recommended.
just heard some really depressing news. gonna sign off here.
the life of my computer
i've had this computer for almost 6 years, and all that's left of the original purchase is the cpu and the sound system. yesterday the keyboard died once and for all. and in the middle of a productive hour, too! so had to go and get a new one. so 20 bucks of an unexpected expense. and now i have to go spend some more money because i have zero fresh foods in the house.
this might the first week in 6 that i'm not going to get a 4-day gym week in. i was too lazy and crampy yesterday to go to the gym. and don't know whether i'll end up going today either. but i should, if i want any shot at getting 4 days in. i wonder if i will end up going.
the thesis work is going sooooooo slowly that i wonder if i will be able to finish on time.
......................................!
slight freakout happening, or kinda in the process. well, i had a short bout of it this afternoon when i realised i don't really know how to run any statistical software. the last time i used one was over 2 years ago, and even though i was good at it then, i've totally forgotten how to use them. the new one that i need to use at guelph is more complicated and i think once i start to use it, i'll be tearing my hair out. basically, the next few weeks of going through this data crap is going to drive me nuts.
last thursday's presentation went quite well. not sure whether i mentioned it on earlier posts or not...2-day seminar presentations of all MSc students...basically in front of the whole department, including the chair. this was as close to the defense as i'm going to get in the next couple of months, but it was also good prep for it. dr. d seems to think i only need to make some minor changes to the presentation itself for the thesis defense. which is encouraging. but i'm still so far away from completion of the actual thesis. freak out point number 2.
weekend good. sad to be back in guelph. need some new friends.
i am an addict
and i can't help it. i guess that follows from the fact that i'm addicted at all. sweets will have the best of me on even a good day. i've been soooooo good...and i've been trying to talk myself into believing that an apple constitutes dessert after dinner (and talking myself into this means talking in my head the whole time as i eat the apple...the whole time). but yesterday i had a huge slice of a yummy cheesecake and then today after lunch i wanted a cookie (had to have the cookie) and i have a feeling it's all downhill from here.
yes, i should be motivated to give up anything made with sugar because i'm so motivated to working out. but the fact that my tummy is the same as it's always been (and that i blame on my mum and her dad), with or without sugar, i can't seem to hold myself away from sweets. especially certain times of the month. can i ever give up sugar? does the fact that i don't own a bag of white sugar count?
my legs are super sore today as yesterday was 'legs day' at the gym. i shouldn't be sore anymore, but i guess i've been lazy on legs days...rationale: i have great legs, why do i have to work hard at them? (sadly, those aren't mine) but they're not toned or anything so i need to. also, i think, i'm not as motivated about working out my legs because of recurring knee and back issues. i swear i'm only 24...well, 25 next month.
the number of visits to my blog is directly proportional to the frequency of new posts.
there's a reason why...
...i hate taking passport photos. cuz they never come out decent. the only time i had a decent photo was this time when i was in dhaka applying for the canadian entry visa. and that's because i was smiling ear to ear. wanted to try a different approach you see. pp photos are always so serious. i may have written about this, but the photo was too smiley and the lady at the canadian high commission who took my docs said that they couldn't accept that, but that she'd ask her director anyway. he said it was fine, so they took it. i think i got away with that simply because i was in b'desh. in this country, however, you have to go with a neutral face. well, my neutral face is ugly. scary, even. and my neck is darker than my face, which only seems to come out really really prominently in pp photos, and so i look like a freak. i'm like a three-toned head - face one colour, neck one colour, any exposed skin below the neck (starting at the collarbone) is an entirely different colour altogether. and it's not bad makeup either. i don't put on any makeup at all, unless it's a special occasion. so, what gives?!
still haven't done the task of telling CS i don't want her to come to the gym with me. the passive aggressive person that i am, i just went to the gym without even making her aware that i was going, and also at a completely different time than i usually go (but that only has to do with my day's schedule). i figure, i can tell her eventually that i don't really want her to go with me...when she figures out that i'm not telling her what time i'm going anymore. interesting thing happened at the gym, though. it was really empty...and at one point i was there by myself, not even any of the gym staff were there. so i got on the ball! i did my crunches on the ball (you can really feel those crunches if you're on the ball!), and then tried doing some back stretching, which didn't work so well cuz i almost fell off. but i'm not a fitness ball virgin anymore! :o) i shouldn't admit this on such a public place, but whatever...the bf is getting me a ball for a gift...i asked for it actually, so i don't know if it's technically a gift...and it's my first purchase off the tv! well, again, technically, it's not my purchase, but you know what i mean.
super hungry, but don't feel like making anything proper to eat. happens too often.
panic!!!!!!!!
they just told me (850am, wednesday morning, may 3) that i have to submit my first full draft (one that will not have major changes in it) of the thesis 8 weeks before i plan to defend! and they said that planning to defend end of august is not a good idea. so this is happening kind of quickly. i know i can possibly get my draft in by the end of june, but that's still going to the end of august. so i'm kinda starting to lose it here...in my head at least.
yesterday was the second time i had a gym buddy. and frankly, i don't like having a gym buddy. i really do prefer going to the gym on my own because this 'friend' stresses me out. i go to the gym to relieve stress, and i love working out, but she really just bothers me with her constant criticism of things that i don't really need to hear while i'm working out. what i'm wearing, where are my muscles, why did i eat so much garlic for lunch. don't need that. but now she's motivated to going to the gym with me. i don't know how to tell her that i'm better off on my own, and she needs to find a new gym partner. so many ppl say that u need someone to go with you to the gym to keep you motivated, but i guess because i've motivated myself for the past two months to continue going, i don't really need that person anymore. she does, so i guess that's why she wants to go with me. i hate doing these things...but it's gotta be done, sooner rather than later because i don't want her to screw with my head while i'm trying to get my body in shape!
meh gotta get photos taken.
wonder what happened
you know, i think my life kinda progressed in the wrong direction. in terms of academics anyway. i used to be a star student in high school, some of which was lost in undergrad, but i managed to retain a degree with distinction. come grad school, i just didn't have the motivation in any of the courses to do well. i just did whatever minimum was required of me to pass the courses. i could have worked harder, could have done better, but i just didn't feel like it. and now i feel like i've become just average.
sure there are things that have changed for the better. and there have been considerable accomplishments for life in general. but sometimes i feel like there could have been more there for me by this time, and i just haven't achieved everything i could have. i'm not sure if this all comes from not being able to find a job! having said that, i know i'm not even trying right now.
this freaking cough is getting the better of me. woke up this morning feeling like crap. and i have to write up a stupid presentation today. this presentation is to be done next thursday, and for some strange reason we have to send our Powerpoint presentations over to the department and our discussants a week ahead of time! i always do my presentations a day or two ahead so i know what's going on, and it's fresh in my head. oh well.
the only thing bad about living alone is that it's boring. i miss talking!
