de-virginizing
1. i bought my first tweezers
2. tweezed my eyebrows for the first time myself
3. i bought my first jar of peanut butter
4. i'm showing more skin this summer than i've done ever before
5. i've finally got a discman (cheap one, but it's a start)
blood bath
i had an avocado accident. food network specialists know that you smack your knife into the seed of an avocado once you've sliced the fruit (vegetable?) and it slides out almost effortlessly at a nudge. well, it doesn't work like that. or i should just say it isn't as easy as it looks on tv. i've done it before, but that time the avocado wasn't ripe, so that went wrong. this time, the avocado was perfectly ripe but i couldn't get my knife to stay in the seed. it kept slipping out and the seed didn't come out. but when it decided to, the knife slipped.................................
....well, it was just a little cut, but bloody. and right about 10 minutes ago, i was unconsciously piccking at a zit near my hairline and it started bleeding and wouldn't stop.
so that's my two cents for wednesday night. don't play with knives...even though i wasn't really playing. i was trying to make dinner.
the avocado-tomato-tuna-redonion salad was yummy :)
gum sore
early morning on wednesdays are no fun. even though i sleep in on most other days than tuesday and thursday, i still like sleeping in on wednesdays. today, however, i had to go to the dentist (dental hygienist, more like it) this morning, so it was almost like a tuesday or a thursday.
got my teeth cleaned, but gums swollen and mouth feels sandy
.
about resolutions
a
few days ago i went to a birthday party where i was the fattest person. and i'm not even all that big...so you can imagine how unbelivably skinny these people were. but it gave me a complex. i have to admit i've been letting myself go ever so slightly...it does catch up with you. for example, i didn't buy the gym tag this semester. i rationalized: i live about 30 minutes away from school, if i walk briskly everyday, there's my exercise, right? wrong. it's too freaking hot to walk, and i'm too freaking lazy.
so what do i do? i go on a healthy food spree at nofrills. i decide that i'm going to eat absolutely no white stuff (except milk...that doesn't count) for at least the few days before the wedding. so i started this 'diet' of sorts oh...since monday? :D i think it's psychological because i feel good about it...i haven't cut out carbs completely even though i know that's the best way to lose weight quickly, but i'm going to do this the healthy way so it's not just a week long thing.
what i've been eating:
1. seven-grain bread
2. chicken and bean salad
3. fruit-salad
4. milk
5. carrots
mind u, i've basically only had 6 meals since i started this. but please oh please let me be able to stick to it this time and become healthy. what i need to get off is the sweets...i'm famous for the shoppers' runs for chocolate as eire would know ;)
i don't like grapefruits, but i like that pic.
one day to the next...
...that's how i'm living these days. it's actually more like one 'plan' to the next. a month or so ago, i was looking forward to going to see my parents, and was getting frustrated with schoolwork because time wasn't going fast enough. for the past two weeks, since having visited my parents and sister, i've been counting on a big engagement party that my cousin's having. so i get to go to new york this weekend...woohoo! i found out this morning that my housemate is also going to new york...if i'd known, i would have gone along with him and his friend (mind you, this guy is one of my housemates, and bangladeshi, too, but i don't know him particularly well) and not bought the bus ticket. but the bus ticket allows me more freedom in the sense that i don't have to depend on anyone other than greyhound.
what's the next plan? well, maybe a trip to the alma mater, and then the coldplay concert and then i don't know....
in the meantime, i have to revise my proposal, go to the bank and force them to give me my student account fee back, do some toiletries shopping, eat, sleep and be merry :o)
i miss my jaan...
hot stuff and the woes
the dumb cat made me miss the bus today. well, i was running late anyway, but i could have made it as the bus is NEVER on time. but nooooooo...the black princess of a kitty decided that she wanted to come in from outside and gave me the run around for a few minutes before i could close the door behind me. i didn't want her to get lost!
so i had to walk to school in the sweltering heat...i honestly need more skimpy summer clothes...i really do understand why ppl in the west just go crazy and take all their clothes off once the sun comes out after the cold and grey of the winter. this morning i was wishing i had shorts on and i don't do shorts unless i have to (which is seldom). i don't even own a pair now. and because of the blisters that i got that day from the horribly terrible cheap payless sandals, i can only walk in sneakers now, so the heat was worse.
my reason for going to campus on monday: get some work done for my exam tomorrow. and i succeeded somewhat, with two long breaks with my friend - one for lunch, one for a fruizzi at second cup. but i was on campus 10 hours...i can take a couple of breaks, right? the exam tomorrow's going to be brutal.
my dearest's in vegas, but i hadn't spoken to him since they reached...was getting worried...called tonight and he'd changed his message to say they'd reached vegas and everything was good! sweet, huh?
alright...time for bed and to dream about cost benefit....oh man...fun...
little things learnt
1. i'm not getting contacts - they're too expensive, and not worth it. maybe some other time, when i'm rich and famous and need to look good.
2. i'm the world's most annoying person when i go places with one person and don't know anyone else.
3. i never went to that thing on last tuesday...cuz i was too lazy, and it probably was better off that i didn't because of how true #2 stands.
4. i think in the brief time i started this blog, i've made leaps in how much i've learnt abt myself - it's mostly stuff i always knew, but things are forming themselves better it seems. i just have to be constructive.
5. i need to grow up...a realisation 24 years too late, but there still time...
blisters in the making
so i decided to wear a skirt this morning...not a good idea. well, it's not the skirt that wasn't a good idea, it's the sandals. are there any pretty sandals you can wear without hurting your feet? these sandals are so nice (and cheap), but oh man i can see those blisters in their blissful watery heaven just waiting to burst out and cause me an immense amount discomfort and pain.
basically, need to change my shoes, but might be too late as i'm not going back home from school for a while.
contacts or no contacts?
my latest dilemma...cuz a wedding's coming up...and i've never worn contacts. need to look nice at this wedding.
so i'm trying to decide...but i've already talked abt what decisions mean for me...lol. but i'm gonna go do some comparison shopping right now...
lenscrafters? hakim? sears? ivision?????
one of those mornings
wednesdays are the days i don't have any classes so i take it easy. woke up late, and then decided to go online, check my email etc. then started freaking out. not really a nervous-breakdown sorta freaking out, just a shit-i-have-so-much-work-that-i'm-not-doing sort of freak out. and it's for real that i'm not doing all the work i'm meant to be doing. i'm supposed to be working on a literature review for my thesis...do i
know what the literature says out there?! i absolutely detest reading journal articles...with a passion...always did...another thing my advisors don't know abt me...makes me wonder sometimes why i'm doing this masters...i hope there's some pot of gold at the end of this fading rainbow....
i should work instead of blogging right?
criticism...yuck
yeah, i'm bad with those. i'm even bad with people telling me i'm bad at taking criticism. so i'm really awful at it. it's something i must make an effort at changing. i've known this from a long long time ago, but i've never been proactive about becoming better at accepting the things that are wrong with me when people have the nerve to point it out (you see?). and i've even got slack abt not being able to.
so i was reading something, and it said that our feelings come from inside us, and no one can really make us a feel a certain way...it's something that occurs from within and feelings have to be taken responsibility for and not to blame others when they are negative. made me wonder whether there's any truth in that...i've just not thought abt it like that before.
but how does one improve on something that's so inherent? it's something i've known for years and it hasn't changed at all. maybe, however, this is the first time i'm taking responsibility for it...which is what may have changed. it's hard to accept that you have to teach youreself the wisdom that's required to tackle something of this magnitude. yup, it's of a great importance to what sort of person i am. i think if i could tackle this one issue, i could solve a lot of problems i have in relationships and also just allow my head a more stable spot on my shoulders.
can one have a new year's resolution half way through the year?
indecisions everywhere
i got complaints about not updating the blog from one of two people who even know about the blog! well, here i am updating instead of working...
it's been a while since i wrote here, and i needed to see what ms. eire had on her blogspot to find some inspiration. the whole message board thing was hilarious and brought back fond memories of 154 :) we don't have a message board in my 5-person hole of a basement (it's actually quite good for a basement, but i'm never ever renting one again!) but i've had to leave a post-it or two abt a missing knife and the cleanup of cat fur all over our little bathroom which no one uses. yeah, we have a cat in the basement...a cat with a serious psychological problem...i don't know if it's on medication, but i personally think it should be. i think it has to do with loneliness...the owner of the cat leaves her alone in the house and just takes off (something like i do on the weekends, but i don't own a cat) and the cat just meows and meows at six in the morning, waking up the rest of the house. and it's jittery allllllllll the time...u walk past it and it'll screech, run and hide under the dining table. this morning i found it hiding in the little cube-shelf sorta thing we have for shoes. so sabbath (black sabbath is her name...she's a beautiful black cat, actually, just weird) finds it amusing also to wait outside the bathroom door while i shower to give me the fright of a lifetime when i step out and almost squish her. and then she does her screech-and-run. she also just pops out of places at night and i'm afraid i might have a premature heart attack. i'm probably the only person she likes besides her owner, and i like it when she comes and nuzzles my knee while i sit and watch tv (weird, i said already), but at other times i'd really rather not have her in the house.
indecisive as i am abt eeeeeeeeeverything...especially personal things...it's really bad when i 'decide' on monday evening that i'm not going to this thing on tuesday night in toronto because i'd have to come back wednesday to attend class, and then 'decide' tuesday morning that oh, it'd be nice to go to this thing. so i don't really take decisions....i never can....even when i know that i must take one side or another regarding certain issues - i just say things, and then go back on them. i'm your quintessential confused youth (don't ask where i came up with that one)...maybe i'm not considered 'youth' at 24....
ok that's it for this one. it's long as it is....i should just post mroe often, and post shorter messages...
ciao!
the timbit song
i'm bored of writing my proposal. and i'm staring at a near-empty 10-pack timbit box. near empty cuz my friend and i finished it off almost completely. the last little chocolate timbit is still waiting to be devoured. i'm still thinking abt it...while i listen to coldplay of course :)
so i had my meeting with my advisors, and it was, as usual, a whole lot of talk, and hardly any action...they basically expect me to take the action with minimum guidance. one of them takes forever to talk and hardly gets around to making a point. the other is quite helpful most of the time, and really, i could have done with just the one advisor! so what if he's new? he's more capable than the old prof who's supposed to be the co-advisor!
it's important to look like u're working and timbits help u do that, don't u? and an open book, an open word file and tons of pdf files also don't harm that process. i have my productive days and then i have those days too. yesterday was a productive day...today was one, too, actually...but i think i've reached my saturation point quite quickly today.
i ate the lone timbit...
messed up hair
aaaaaaand it's another thursday morning, unofficially my last day of the week because i don't have any classes on friday. but i'm supposed to do my research as part of my 20-hr a week job. i kind of do that job in two days really, looking at material for abt 10 hrs a day that pertains to my research topic...a topic which has changed at least 4 times since i started. what's funny is, these changes have taken place only this semester whereas i've been here more than 2!
it's an annoying canadian rainy day...drizzling, headache-causing rain. and i'm sick, too, and don't have an umbrella because mine broke and i threw it away. doesn't help to get soaked in the rain. doesn't help my hair either...even though there's really no point in blowdrying it every morning to make it look nice when it'll only go back to being the curly idiot it is once i get out. what's with the rainy summer this year?? my hair gets crazy everyday, but i continue to style it everyday because as short as it is, it's needs more maintenance than it did when it was shorter. i haven't decided yet whether i like my hair shorter or longer...i think i like both...my friends here seem to think the shorter hair makes me look more approachable. can a hairstyle really do that? does that mean i looked stern before, or what?
this new computer lab set up is kinda scary...my office is in the basement of the department building so in a way the lab being moved here is convenient, but it still feels weird. maybe if i turned all the lights on it wouldn't be so bad. and can u believe there's only 4 computers in the lab when there's so many of us in the department? bah!
i wish the weather would get better...
shivering to swallowed
so...this feels weird...to be writing to myself almost and about nothing. wow...should i even send this to people? i owe it to a very close my queen's buddy for getting me on this, but i wonder whether it's a good thing she's done!
first off, it took me abt 15 minutes to even get the html right...after a few tries i went with the first words i could see on my desk ('brilliantbrunette' by john frieda)...now don't ask what this shampoo bottle (is it a bottle? a tube?) is doing on my desk instead of my bathroom. but brilliantbrunette was already taken by someone for their own blogspot. i ended up being swallowedwhole....... and then i changed again to spinaweb.....this naming thing is fun!
my latest obsession: coldplay. i've been listening to them non-stop, day-in-day-out, only not when i'm sleeping. no matter how much music i listen to during the day, i can't sleep with music on, the tv on, or even if my computer's on and humming (u know the annoying, constant hum that becomes a buzz in the middle of the night?). but yeah, coldplay...they're just wonderful, aren't they? since i came to canada, i think this is the first time any one western band has appealed to me so much...and after what, 5 years or so of them being around, have i caught the coooooooooolllddddddddddppppppplllllllllaaaaaaay fever! i'm also partially getting all the songs stuck in my head for the concert i'm going to in august....woohoo!
ok maybe that's it for the first post. doesn't say much abt me but whatever...
mwah y'all :)
early morning on wednesdays are no fun. even though i sleep in on most other days than tuesday and thursday, i still like sleeping in on wednesdays. today, however, i had to go to the dentist (dental hygienist, more like it) this morning, so it was almost like a tuesday or a thursday.
got my teeth cleaned, but gums swollen and mouth feels sandy.
a few days ago i went to a birthday party where i was the fattest person. and i'm not even all that big...so you can imagine how unbelivably skinny these people were. but it gave me a complex. i have to admit i've been letting myself go ever so slightly...it does catch up with you. for example, i didn't buy the gym tag this semester. i rationalized: i live about 30 minutes away from school, if i walk briskly everyday, there's my exercise, right? wrong. it's too freaking hot to walk, and i'm too freaking lazy.
so what do i do? i go on a healthy food spree at nofrills. i decide that i'm going to eat absolutely no white stuff (except milk...that doesn't count) for at least the few days before the wedding. so i started this 'diet' of sorts oh...since monday? :D i think it's psychological because i feel good about it...i haven't cut out carbs completely even though i know that's the best way to lose weight quickly, but i'm going to do this the healthy way so it's not just a week long thing.
what i've been eating:
1. seven-grain bread
2. chicken and bean salad
3. fruit-salad
4. milk
5. carrots
mind u, i've basically only had 6 meals since i started this. but please oh please let me be able to stick to it this time and become healthy. what i need to get off is the sweets...i'm famous for the shoppers' runs for chocolate as eire would know ;)
i don't like grapefruits, but i like that pic.
