....?
i have the most abnormal cough ever. and it gets worse as the daylight lessens. by night time, like now, i can barely get any words out without sounding like a frog.
i consumed more pop today than i have in 3 months.
i have spent more money this month than over the last 3 months. april isn't even on the expense spreadsheet...
the boyfriend and i had a horrible fight today. and resolved it today as well. which is of course a good thing. i know i'm to blame for this fight, but the harder i try thinking about what happened and why it happened, i can't figure out my reactions. they were extreme and unwarranted. sometimes i think i'm completely unstable. well, he is too, but that's besides the point at this juncture.
time to hit the sack...
what's said with the eyes
when i was first learning how to swim, an incident happened (small and insignificant, it would seem to many) that i haven't thought about in years. i think i was 9 or 10 years old. i was swimming away, and may i remind you that i had just started learning. this 'celebrity' (this woman who is still on tv in b'desh...she's quite famous actually, and has been part of the entertainment biz in bangladesh forever) shows up at the place, watches me swim, laughs, and then asks one of the swim trainers why i swam that way. and that obviously wasn't a nice or proper or appropriate or good or the right way to swim. then she gave me a look and walked away with a snicker. hey, i was a fat kid...it's a miracle i was floating at all.
that incident obviously had some impact on me to still remember it. the reason i thought of it: today at the gym, one of the gym staff gave me a 'look' - a look that said, that's no way to do crunches. she didn't say anything, it was a passing glance, no smile, nothing...it was just a look. a condescending one at that. just like that lady years ago, only not accompanied with any snide remarks or snickers (unless she made them to the other gym staff hanging around, who she was talking to, out of my earshot). am i just maybe making too much of it?
the gym is absolutely empty these days. it was so empty yesterday that i could hear the mechanical noises from the elliptical machine, which are usually overpowered by the fans. i guess the fans were off yesterday or something. good thing is that it's now less stinky (except when people fart) and also cooler. on the other hand, each and every person is more noticeable (i think there were maybe 5 ppl today in total) and thus susceptible to looks such as the aforementioned from gym staff. not fun. i'd like to go back to being inconspicuous.
america's next top model on tonight...gonna miss Em and how we made fun of everyone.
freaking deadlines
well, i'm actually quite good with deadlines, but it still doesn't make it any easier to get myself to do the work. this week's task was extended from last week, and i had to do a little bit more of figuring out my data, as the advisors weren't able to meet last week after all. so i've been putting it off for the last couple of days, and only this morning did i sit down and look at my work. approximately two hours of work in, and i think that'll have to do for friday's deadline/meeting.
update on how this whole living by myself thing is going: it's good :) but i seem to spend less time working and more time doing other things. i guess when Em was here, she'd watch tv all the time that she was home, so i would be in my room more, and hence i'd be forced to work. now that i have the place to myself, i find myself in front of the tv more, and also catching up on laundry. i've been meaning to wash the bathroom mats since i moved in here, and finally got them done yesterday. now i'm happy in a clean house :) also, i find myself snacking more, which is not a good thing at all. i'm watching more tv, so i'm eating more, which is definitely a scary pattern. need to stop buying those chocolate bars
my friend just cancelled plans to meet for a mid afternoon coffee (i don't really even drink coffee, but it's an excuse), but this is after i cancelled lunch today with her, cuz i had to work. i haven't really met up with her for a while...i guess i have to make more of an effort. so only gotta go to the gym today...possibly do some grocery shopping at some point cuz the fridge is almost completely empty!
this post has become much longer than i intended...
if i had a lot of money...
...i would buy shoes. lots and lots and lots of shoes. and then some. even without any money, i bought two pairs of shoes in the last month. well, i needed a pair of sneakers, and also needed closed toed shoes for an interview (they're so cute). and i still long for more. of all the unlimited wants and scarce resources...
i met someone over the weekend who's an avid ebay shopper and all she buys from there are shoes. apparently, she bought 12 pairs of shoes in the last 4 months! that's going a bit overboard, isn't it? and she's in an income bracket where she gets tax credits (long story about how the conversation got around to taxes), so her income can't be all that high. i guess she goes on her hubby's income when paying for the shoes. i'm proud to say that i have some restraint! (or do i?) 
and yet, on this first nite alone, and slightly scared, i got around to looking at shoes online (started with ebay as i was thinking abt that lady) and i went to the steve madden site to find if i could find the pair i've been eyeing in different stores since i got back from b'desh. haven't had the heart to buy them because, honestly, i hardly wear strappy shoes. i LOVE them, but where am i to wear them? i certainly can't be walking to school in those delicate heels. but are they not beautiful? i can't really decide which style i like better...so if i had the money, i'd probably buy both.
the question is, am i going to eventually cave and get one pair??????????????????
what do i do now?
i clean! because both my housemates have moved out, one for the summer and one for good. even though both of their stuff still remains in their rooms. M's fiance will come move her stuff to her new place in toronto some time in may, while she's finding a wedding dress in russia. Em's moved back home with a job for the summer.
so i came back home today and the first thing that told me everyone was gone was that there were only my shoes and coats left! i was initially a little sad, and then i started cleaning. which made me happy as i've been waiting to spring clean the house thoroughly. i've been cleaning for over two hours, and only got through with the kitchen and the living room. well, that's really all the rest of the house, except the bathroom. the bathroom's going to have to wait
till tomorrow cuz i'm exhausted. i found an unbelievable amoount of crumbs under the couch cushions. and a fork, and some kind of coin from a club. the type u put in slot machines. so happy to have gotten rid of all that crap...i knew things would start building houses under the couch cushions if i didn't look what was in there soon.
this is the first time i'll be living by myself. feels a bit weird actually. the only good thing is that i can listen to my hindi music with my door open, while cooking, cleaning, whatever. i just hope i don't get complaints from the landlords abt loud music! i think the one thing that's really going to bother me is not having anyone to talk to around the house. i mean, there are days when i'm working at home and don't even go outside. how long can a person stay without talking? and sometimes, i only get out of the house to go to the gym. and u already know my philosophy abt the gym...not going there to make friends, so i don't talk there. who am i going to talk to !??!??!?
once the garbage is gone tonight, the kitchen will hopefully feel cleaner. makes me smile.
stuff
ok, ok, snakeskin...i looked closer after the mention that it wasn't croc skin, and it isn't...as u know, the heels weren't the main focus of the post :p
i'm really quite far away from even touching the ball at the gym. maybe when i'm a little bit more fit, and am a little more sure of my coordination, i'll give it a shot. i've looked at lots of things on the web, but i just don't want to get on the ball. i think about it rolling out from under me and then me falling on my bum and hurting myself, or falling on my face, or something worse. the pessimist that i am, it'll take me a while to get over this (possibly) irrational fear of losing balance...something i hate doing even in life in general. to have to go thru a literal loss of balance cuz of an exercise ball isn't going to do any good for me. maybe some day i'll get there...
as for the whole modesty issue at the gym, i think i might be a little too modest! i wear clothes i wear around the house. baggy tshirts, track pants...always long pants, never shorts or anything. i don't know if i actually posted abt this. it's cuz i don't think i need to look good at the gym...it's ok if i look sloppy, nobody's looking at me, and i'm there to simply work out not make friends. except for the days when i meet the cutest guy in my department at the gym and have to talk to him, and i'm wearing my ridiculous pink tie-dye t-shirt which i never wear anyway. that's when i slap my forehead and think, what was i thinking?!
my computer's a piece of shit. internet explorer always has errors and shuts down, and lose my blogs in mid-entry. thank goodness for the'Recover post' thingie on this! i'd be cursing a lot more if i had to rewrite everything.
today's task is to deal with my data. after the committee meeting, as i said, tackling the data and deciding what i want to do with my variables and how i'm going to test my hypotheses etc. are top on the agenda. this might be another thing way way above the stability ball i'm afraid of. i just don't know if i can say anything intelligent abt my data cuz i just don't know how it's done. i've had loads of suggestions from my advisors and the committee, but they want me to decide along which angles i want to go, and i'd rather they just told me what to do. i know that's taking the easy way out and cutting corners and what not, but i don't want to do it. but i guess i have to.
it's close to noon, and all i've done is opened the excel file.
what the...?
this is only possible with bollywood folks. i mean, how well do those pink croc skin high heels go with the stability ball?! and i'm worried about looking stupid on the ball at the gym (bigger fear than the treadmill, trust me...at least i went on the treadmill...i don't even go near the ball). what the hell is this!? i know it's some cheesy indian actress (i don't really know who she is anyway), but someone has to have some brains to not be directing such a ridiculous photo shoot. honestly, ppl, what're u thinking? so what if u can almost see everything? stupid isn't sexy...
on second thought, maybe these days it is.
this and that
i spent an hour and twenty mins at the gym today...my highest time so far. i went on the treadmill, too...first time in the uni gym. i'm just scared it'll throw me off and i'll go flying to the other end of the room. that's when i figured out that there's something called a lanyard u attach to yourself in case of exactly such an emergency. it wasn't as scary an experience as i thought it would be. if i stick to power walking on it and not running, i think i'll be safe. i've decided to up the cardio workout to abt 45/50 mins from the regular 30 mins that i do. and i'm 2.5 pounds shy of my weightloss goal that was set for april 21st (on march 21st). i'm not going to reach my goal, but it feels good that i'm closer than i was a week ago! it makes me think that the scale's lying cuz i ate soooooo much over the last week or so. maybe all the dancing thursday night had the desired effect.
my meeting today went relatively smoothly. the prof i'm most intimidated by in my committee said that all the chapters so far are well written, and that they seem to be at the stage where most students are getting ready to defend! i don't defened till august! woohoo! that's a huge compliment coming from him, and i guess i owe it to dr. d and dr. s for their constant supervision over this semester and their constant comments on the chapter rewrites. thanks you two, even though i hope and pray u never come across this blog. now to tackle the data which will be the real challenge...
one of our neighbours is getting their roof fixed. hot, half naked construction workers on the roof of that house. i wonder if it's a requirement for construction workers to be hot in the western world...hehe.
me feeling very sleepy, and it's 3 in the afternoon!
whats whens hows & whys
when i don't write for so long, i don't really feel like writing about everything i've done. basically i can sum it up in a few words: clubbing thursday, hiking sunday, not much in between. and yet it was a really really fun weekend, and a loooong long weekend, as i did not touch anything work-related since thursday evening till now.
so now i'm back in guelph, i have a committee meeting tomorrow morning and i know it's gonna suck big time. i don't want to see my committee, i don't want to make a dumb powerpoint presentation for them, and i don't want to hear them put me down. well, it's called constructive criticism, but i don't buy it. they're just tearing my work apart...hehehe.
that's all for now. i'm too tired and achy. and i hate bus rides.
recovering from messes
i screwed up my blog trying to play around with the html code. everything was gone!got me kinda scared that it had all disappeared for good. so had to change the template yet again to get it back in place.
there's a strange 24 at the left corner of the title banner on this template. i'm not exactly sure what it refers to.
planning to attend someone's thesis defense this afternoon...not someone i know, but it's always good to witness a defense since mine's not too far away. they're always scary for the person defending.
my advisors are bent on ruining my easter weekend plans.
spring is in the air!
and so are the bugs. it was something like 18 degrees out today...really nice...but there are a ton of little flying and crawling creatures out there too. no fun. i guess i need to enjoy the weather more than be bugged by the bugs.
somebody at the gym farted today! and it's so gross and stuffy in the gym anyway! i was doing crunches, with one girl on each side of me on the mats and i smell this awful acrid nastiness of a flatus. 5 seconds later the girl on the right gets up and leaves.
dr. s, the other advisor, is ruining my plans for this easter weekend. i'm kind of annoyed
a little bit of sunshine
it looks like an absolutely gorgeous day, and the weather network online version tells me that the temperature's lovely too. i like getting out of the house on days like this...it's when i have appointments and it's a grey day that i grumble all the way to school, like this past friday.
so bangladesh seems to be winning in test cricket against australia, the world champions. i think it's great news. i should really follow b'desh's cricket news more often. or just cricket news. or international news in general!
so much work this week...dunno where to start.
i've got nothing
except that we set the fire alarm off with our burnt attempted-homemade-nachos. just left them in the oven for too long...a minute less, and they would have been perfect! the steak quesadillas were aweeeeeeeeeeesome though...a little on the fattening side maybe with the lovely cheese, so so sooooooo delicious, i couldn't believe we'd made them at home!
over the next few days i have a ton of things i gotta get done. mainly, make good use of the feedback i received friday and get the chapters redone for wednesday so i can enjoy a easter holiday without work. i know the week hasn't started, but i'm already waiting for the week to be over! isn't that me every week? i need to be skinny next weekend, but i can't see myself there cuz i'm tempted to make more of those quesadillas with the leftover steak...hehe.
everything at home's fine, everything in TO is fine, everything in guelph is fine. no news is good news, as they say.
f-ing thesis
sometimes dr. d really gets under my skin. yesterday meeting was an hour and a half of criticizing my hard work, which i expected, so it was fine. but today, when i'm looking at his comments on my chapters, it's all so convoluted! so i'm pissed. what i'm even more pissed at is that a number of his comments are about things i changed because of my other advisor's comments!
over the next few days i have to fix up whatever chapters i've written so far and then send them all over to my committee. my big committee meeting is april 18th...and i learnt yesterday that i should do a powerpoint presentation for it. nobody else does ppt presentations for their committee meetings...dr. d is just a bit too hardcore. which of course, is getting on my nerves today. i really like him, and i understand that he's trying to make me do my best, and also have one of his first students do well, but sometimes it's a bit too much pressure. and it seems to me like he thinks i'm not trying...but that might be cuz i'm not so great with criticism in general...he hasn't said that in so many words, of course.
that's my frustrated two cents for the day. and that's where i finish any writing for the day.
huh? what? really? i did that?
i'm having short term memory loss. i'll take out a glass from the kitchen cupboard and forget to close the cupboard. the next time i go back into the kithcen i see the cupboard open and i am mentally annoyed at whoever did that, and then i realise that no one else went in the kitchen after me. i'll put water to boil on the stove (for instant noodles, what else?) and then forget that i put it there cuz i sat down to do my tax return. i have totally forgotten where i kept my shoe polishes...they're all in the same place, i know, but i just cannot remember for the life of me what place that is. this is slightly more long term, as this bit of memory was lost as soon as i moved to this house and unpacked. this morning i left the milk out of the fridge after taking my cereal and Em put it back in there cuz she's paranoid abt dairy products being outside. what the hell is going on!?
i really don't want to be losing my mind at such a tender age :(
anything realistic about reality tv?
i'm starting to feel cranky. and been bored all evening. it was a beautiful day, though. a smiley kinda day. i had to go to school to attend an annual debate for this class...ours last year was much better is what i thought! and also went to the gym...went yesterday for the first time after like 10 days or something. but after dinner i had ice cream, and snacks later on while watching survivor (first episode of this series that i got around to watching...it's just getting kinda dull now i guess, and i don't feel like i'm missing anything when i don't watch...now, can't miss any episodes of america's next top model!) watched a new reality show today actually...on food network...as if we need more reality shows on tv...i think E would love this one...it's called hell's kitchen, and stars some crazy british chef who has a horrible mouth on him...and the participants are trying to be top chefs under him...they win their own restaurant if they last till the end. chef ramsay's horrid though.
the idiot box has taken over my life today...and most days.
lucky lucky b**ch
that's me. i have a favourite hat. it's black and wooly (well, an acrylic mix, kinda) and mexx and very cool. i've had it for abt 2 yrs and i love it. i even danced all night with it on the last time we went to guvernment.
anyway, yesterday i went on a shopping marathon (totally unexpected, but needed closed toed shoes for the interview cuz mine aren't in guelph...i only learnt abt today's interview yesterday afternoon...and also needed the sneakers i mentioned in an earlier post), and at some point i left my hat in a store. i didn't realise until this morning that it was missing. so i left for the interview kinda sad because i really adore that hat. i think it gives me a totally gangsta attitude...lol :o) anyway, so finally, right before the interview it occured to me that i'd left it at le chateau. thought about calling them, then it was snowing so i had to come back home by bus, which i had to catch from the mall, so i dropped by the store. i was sooooooo relieved that they had it, and showed it, which might have made me look a little odd because the hat is a little battered, but these folks at the store had no idea that it's my favourite hat, and i didn't deem it was necessary to let them in on it. all's well that ends well.
i think i screwed up my chances with the company with some post interview stuff that i did. not good.
first face-to-face interview
so this morning i had my first face-to-face interview for my post-masters job search. and it was with a company that i really want to work for. admittedly, i was psyched about getting the interview, but also super nervous. at the interview, however, i wasn't nervous. i was wonderful. i was a superstar! :D all so i'd like to think. i went and bought shoes yesterday for the interview, but sadly there were no women in the room, only 2 guys.
have to write in detail about this interview of course. last night had a bit of a tiff with the bf and that really put me off, even though we did resolve it at the end. i didn't speak to him this morning, though, which is what i would have done on any other occasion such as this, but i thought it better to just tell myself that i was fabulous and not have to rely on him to say it to me to boost my confidence. i looked ridiculous walking to school, with my dress pants tucked into my boots cuz i didn't want them to get wet as it had snowed. i looked like a jockey...lol. anyway, so i get to school, i print updated copies of my resume, and my references, put the nice shoes on, and get my ass to career services. i think i was the first one they interviewed today, with 5 more ppl or so on the list.
the interview was with an environmental consulting company. one of the interviewers, the regional VP, was the one who had taken my resume at the job fair. the other one was a head of another department. it was a very informal interview, even though both men were dressed up...i felt comfortable talking to them...i think i gestured too much cuz i'm a bit of a hand talker, but less than i normally would have. cuz i wasn't particularly nervous. now i know how important it is to be made comfortable right off the outset and that way u sell yourself better. one of the interviewers mentioned something i believe is worth noting even if just for myself to refer to later: it's in the attitude, aptitude and ability of the employee that will make them go further within the company. i certainly had the attitude today, and they know my aptitude and skills from my resume...it's the ability that i need to demonstrate. if i get the job, it'll probably be something in the lower rungs of the company, where all recent grad recruits go, but the possibility of moving up is always present, opportunities waiting to be usurped. heck, i just want a job right now! what's great is that they're flexible about joining dates.
i still hate phone interviews.
why does it have to rain?
this rainy day is making me sad. and also making me do nothing. i actually prefer snow to the rain. it's been one of those mondays where i don't feel the least bit motivated to do any work...i'm going to have to start on my friday deadline (i.e. chapter-4) tomorrow i think. procrastination queen, that's me.
saturday was nice...first the russian-ukranian party at the house, and then a party chock full of bengalis. what's nice is that i met a few ppl at the second party whom i haven't met in years. i was actually seeing one girl after like 12 years or something...it's crazy. i met her in sixth grade...friend of a friend's...and she remembered me, which was nice. i remembered her too, after a little bit...her name's a bit unique, so when i'd heard that she was in toronto i'd wondered if it was the same girl. turns out that it is the same one. suss a small vurld! :D
gotta get back to the gym some time, too...
more blogs
i actually came across this blog a while ago. i think the girl's super talented. check out katie rice's
funny cute cartoons.
Number 100!!
so this is the 100th post on this blog, and i don't have anything interesting to write today. other than the fact that i'm a big milestones person. you know, 16th birthday, 21st birthday, 100 emails, 1000 emails, 100 episodes of the natok 69 (i watched them like an addict, except towards the end it got kind of sad), 7 consecutive gym trips, 500 hits on this blog (18 more to go...), etc.
it's a terribly dull day today and i woke up with terrible pains in my left arm this morning which i didn't want to write about because then i appear to be the world's most whiney person. which i am a lot of times anyway as L and E and others might know. but still. i had to take some pain meds this morning...and i hate taking meds...so it was quite severe. still no clue why. but want to blame it on the marathon thesis writing that i did thursday and friday for hours on end. this also ruined my plans of going to the gym this morning cuz the main reason i wanted to go was to work out my arms which i haven't done in a week.
the big engagement party full of russians is tonight.
